Fifteen Brain-Friendly Feedback Tips that Work
Giving or getting improper feedback can have grave consequences. Fearful underlings failed to provide Vladimir Putin with truthful feedback, which resulted in his skewed picture of reality and his catastrophic attack on Ukraine.
While feedback rarely involves life and death consequences, it is crucial to your organization’s health and in helping you maintain productive relationships with your boss, peers, and subordinates.
Productive feedback doesn’t happen easily—at times, it feels painful to give or get. But that discomfort springs from the awkward way we practice feedback: it feels like blame.
Let’s avoid those outdated feedback methods and use more productive, friendlier techniques to deliver and receive important information. After all, if you don’t give feedback, nothing gets improved, and if you don’t get it, you can get blindsided like Putin.
See below for my list of tips to make this process easier. After you’ve practiced these for a short while, they become habitual and comfortable for both parties!
- Use more positive feedback.
In my discussions with psychologists from Gallup, the polling and management consulting firm, I’ve learned that it’s almost impossible to give too much positive feedback. This is easy to forget when you assume, as I used to, that everyone knows they’re doing a good job. They don’t. Plus, everyone likes praise. So, if you see a behavior that assists you in achieving results or completing your mission, promptly praise it. You can steer employees to do even more with positive feedback. Think about giving five times more positive feedback than you currently do. - Expand your feedback providers.
Last year, I led an all-day leadership session for a major NNSA division. Late in the afternoon, execs and managers fretted over not knowing what was happening, especially with employees.
During a lull, a little voice in the back whispered, “You could ask us.”
The room hushed, and two of the group’s receptionists sitting at the back table gave a stunning impromptu presentation on everything they knew. “Think about it. We receptionists hear everything. We're the confessors, gossip center, and gripe-control officers.”
Wow! I never forgot that session. Receptionists are organizational thermometers. Add them to your list of people to check in with. - Make it a requirement to ask for feedback.
Neuroscientists recently found that giving and getting feedback is more comfortable and effective if you ask for it. Some companies require employees (and bosses) to ask for feedback periodically. Consider requiring your direct reports to ask you for feedback every week or two. Oddly enough, this takes away a little of the sting for both of you. - Ask for permission to give or get feedback.
Blurting out negative feedback is like dousing someone with icy water. A lead-in warns you. A lead-in takes away some of the bite:- “May I offer some feedback?”
- “Would you like some feedback?”
- “Could I ask you for some feedback?”
My deputy Cindy taught me an unusual lead-in. She would walk into my office as if she were holding a small present. She would clasp her hands and say, “I have a gift for you.” The way she prepped me for the feedback started a free flow of information between us. Even if the news was a bit uncomfortable, she hauled my bacon out of the fire more than once. Her little ritual made feedback easier to listen to and absorb. - Use non-threatening questions.
Ask innocent but powerful questions to elicit feedback. Example: “If you were me, what would you do?” - Ask for feedback on getting feedback.
Elicit ideas from your employees on how you can get more feedback to help you perform better. After all, it’s easier to ask them for ideas on how to get feedback — feedback mechanisms — than it is for them to give you feedback. Once you introduce recommended channel, they’ll feel a sense of ownership and be more comfortable using it.
Ask your employees or coworkers, “How would you feel most comfortable giving me pointers or comments?” You’ll get solid gold feedback on ways to get feedback. Employees told one manager they wanted to give him feedback anonymously, so they set up a third party to avoid having their names tied to their constructive feedback to the boss. It worked.
- Do check-ins.
Enlightened organizations have replaced annual feedback sessions with “check-ins,” where managers informally ask questions like these:- “What was the highlight of your week?”
- “Is there anything you need help with?”
- “What are your priorities this week?”
- Always use the future tense.
When giving or getting feedback, use the future tense. If you provide feedback in the past tense, the recipient’s brain senses it as blame. When offered feedback in the future tense, the brain interprets it as helpful. Here’s an example:
- Past tense: “Matt, in yesterday’s presentation on slide three, you said,
‘ABC,’ which put off the client. You should have said, ‘XYZ.’”
Matt walks away angry. You blamed him. - Future tense: “Matt, I was thinking about how we could make the presentation even better. In the future, we could say ‘XYZ’ on that third slide because the client will love it.”
Matt walks away pleased because he feels you helped him.
- Past tense: “Matt, in yesterday’s presentation on slide three, you said,
‘ABC,’ which put off the client. You should have said, ‘XYZ.’”
- Take a deep breath when getting feedback.
It never feels pleasant to get messages that clash with your narrative or worldview but don’t get emotional. If you lose your cool, the feedback giver will never offer feedback again. Stop the urge to reject your cognitive dissonance and accept the discomfort. You can buy a little time by summarizing the other person’s comments. After you receive the feedback, don’t equivocate or give excuses. Say, thank you. - Don’t identify with your ideas and behaviors.
Your ideas and quirks are not an extension of yourself. It’s difficult not to dig in and defend yourself, but remember, the message is not a personal attack. It’s merely a suggestion to improve. Detach yourself. If the message sounds harsh, it’s only because the giver has a very different view. Wouldn’t you rather know about their differing narrative than not know? - Advanced – giving feedback
Never try to convince someone by using your values or opinions – use theirs. For several years, I collected lists of personal values from American employees. Integrity was near the top for all of them, but there was a wide range of other top personal values, which ranged from diversity and competency to friendship. If you know the employee well, use moral foundation theory and frame the feedback with their primary value. Let’s say their top value is work/life balance. In this case, say, “You know, if you try this approach, I think you can get your work done faster and hopefully get home a little earlier.” - Offer suggestions
Offer specific suggestions for improvement. Instead of just pointing out the problem, provide ideas for how the person can improve. - Ask “What would it take” questions
What would it take questions are powerful because they prompt an employee to think more deeply. What would it take for me to build more trust in our workplace? What would it take for you to be comfortable with the new work schedule? What would it take questions are great for ferreting out an employee’s innermost concerns. - Stop using the word!
Here is a small but powerful brain trick – don’t use the word “feedback” anymore. Take it out of your vocabulary. As all effective advertisers know, semantics affect the mind, so dropping this pain-filled word is my penultimate tip. From now on, call feedback “advice.” People feel it’s easier to give and get advice than to give and get feedback. I freeze up when you tell me that you want feedback. If you ask me for advice, I’m flattered. - Start immediately.
I’m yet to find any organization that would stop you from providing feedback this way – even the ones that still serve sewage sandwiches to employees. Using these tips to give and get feedback is a management practice you can quickly adopt, and it is painless and effective!
When giving feedback, do the reverse. Ask employees how they’d like to get their feedback. It makes the process easier.
Practice all of these tips and pass them on!
About the Author
Copyright © 2022 by Mike Mears, all rights reserved. Reproduced by permission.